Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We need to get me chipped asap
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
