She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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