He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
