dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
