Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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