pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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