I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
