he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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