John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
