i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
