So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
