you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We have so much sex to catch up on
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
