New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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