He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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