My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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