Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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