she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
