Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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