last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
