he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
