Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
