i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
