I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
