so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
