Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
