Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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