i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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