at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
