ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
