trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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