Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
