Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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