your thong is hanging out like whoa
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
