she woke up with a sticky ear
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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