Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
