By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
operation harelip BJ is a go
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
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he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
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If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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