I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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