If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize