I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
