Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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