it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
