on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
