meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
