hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
