I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
