And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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