From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
