I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
