I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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