After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
