'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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