I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
