theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
