you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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