Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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