brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
