great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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