dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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