The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
