Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
