I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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