My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
