On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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