It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
