We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
