He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
