Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
