Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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