mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
