I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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