Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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