hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
