You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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