Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
