It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
