Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
