woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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