i wish peter jackson would direct porn
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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