Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
