I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
