One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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