I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux