a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.