I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
