at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
