If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
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she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?