I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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