I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
