Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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