He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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